Wow, I made it through the weekend, really, that is saying a lot! I called my mom yesterday...you know those days where you just need to hear your mom's voice to hear some words of encouragement to get through the rest of the day?! Chris left on Thursday night for Salt Lake and he wasn't planning on being back home until Saturday or Sunday. Now, you mom's that have husbands that travel A LOT, I applaud you. I'm obviously far from superwoman, and I fully admit, I Love the help of my husband!!! Because this is my journal, I'm completely open and honest about the emotions and feelings I have about being a mother. I LOVE being a mother, it's hard, it's frustrating, it's exhausting, but it's also fun, full of excitement and joy!!!! Sometimes I feel like becoming a mom has turned me into a bi-polar crazy woman. Why?? One minute my kids are making me laugh and smile, and the next I have had it, and they can bring me to tears. Isabella and me are so much alike. We both are strong willed and determined to do things our own way. When you put us together, sometimes it's the perfect combination for a DISASTER of a day! She has become so independent lately, but on the other hand she is still as dependant as a baby. Here's some of the thing that have happened over the last couple of weeks that I wanted to document, these are things I want to look back on and either say "Ohhh..I remember that period, it was a rough one, but you made it through it......and to read these stories and laugh hysterically because they do grow out of these phases."
Story 1-The other day she "suddenly" forgot how to put her shoes on. It amazes me how one day they don't want you to help them with ANYTHING, and other days they are completely HELPLESS. Chris and I were in a hurry to get somewhere (see, I don't even remember where we were going, it probably wasn't anywhere important), but at the time it seemed so irritating to the both of us that our 3 year old was completely helpless on the steps getting mad that we wouldn't put her shoes on for her. Out of irritation Chris ran over to put her shoes on for her, just so we could leave. Isabella's response to Chris was, "Dad, I'm just a child." It brings tears to my eyes, just thinking of these 4 simple words she used "I'm just a child." She's right! That's all she is. It's amazing how we get so caught up in the moment of trying to get here or there, that we forget, our children are just children.
Story 2-Isabella has an amazing memory, and she loves the movie Hairspray. I know there are many times during the day that I lose track of my kids and ignore them while I try to throw in laundry, get the dishes done, make beds, and somehow throw on some mascara. Isabella's new way of getting my attention is singing the song from Hairspray.."Hey mama hey mama look at me...." How can I not stop for a second and at least laugh out loud at the moment??
Story 3-Yesterday we were suppose to meet my in-laws at Cafe Rio (I purposely left 10 min's early because I knew the way the morning was running that we were going to have a melt down about helping with the shoe issue, the meltdown about how she is big enough to get into her carseat by herself, the meltdown about how she is big enough to buckle herself...etc. etc.) Sure enough, she wanted to get in the car by herself, but got completely distracted by the buttons on the door. The first time I asked her nicely to get in the car, the second time I asked I probably rolled my eyes, the 3rd time I was starting to get irritated, the 4th time I started raising my voice, the 5th time I had had it, and yelled, "C'mon A.D.D." Isabella looked up at me and responded in a snotty little voice, "OKAY....l, m, n, o,p." Okay, I deserved it!
Story 4-Everywhere we go lately, it seems that Isabella has 2 left feet. She is constantly falling down. Her elbows and knees are covered in old, and new scars and scrapes. Every time she takes a tumble on the sidewalk, road, curb, doorstep, it's hurt feelings and lots of tears. I have brought up my concerns about her being so "spazzy" with my friends and family, and wondered if I should even take her to her pediatrician to see if it's an ear, or eye thing???? Well, yesterday she took a tumble, but this one was really RANDOM!!! We were walking through Kohls, and suddenly she disappeared......then, suddenly she fell out of the side of a clothes rack. She must have been looking around and not paying attention, and walked right into the middle of the clothes rack, tripped and came out the other side and landed face down on the floor. She hopped right up and kept walking, it all happened so fast, I couldn't help but roll my eyes and giggle. I told my parents this story tonight, again, questioning whether or not I needed to seek the advice of her pediatrician, and my parents started laughing hysterically. Apparently I did this many times as a child.....it must be hereditary. Oh no......I feel for her, if she only knew what was coming. I still to this day am a complete spaz, I still cut the corners too soon and smack my elbow and shoulders on the wall, I always trip up the stairs.....it's a curse, and I feel bad that she is "falling in my footsteps."
Story 4-Isabella get's really frustrated with me and she is trying to learn how to speak and voice her opinion. One of my favorite new sayings is "Why are you so obnoxious to me?" Hmmm.....where did she learn this word, oh right, another parent of the year award, yes I have called my 3 year old obnoxious!!!!
The kicker of all kickers: Last night, the day had come to and end, I had lost track of how many meltdowns, snotty comments, and irrational things Isabella had done that day. As I was putting her to bed she said, "Mom come snuggle with me." We snuggle nightly, and we tell stories, her Goldilocks and the 3 bears story is AMAZING! But, I bluntly replied, "I have had such a bad day, and you have made me so sad, that it makes me not want to snuggle with you tonight." Isabella responds with "Oh, really? Why?" I tried to explain that when she doesn't listen, and says mean things to me it makes me really sad and I just want to cry because I don't know what else to do. "Oh really?" she says. She turned her head and looked up at me and says, "Mom, I'm sorry!" and she grabbed me and gave me a hug. I left the room crying, I felt like the worst mom. I had yelled at her, I had spanked her, I had told her how annoying she was being that day. And when I told her "Sorry for yelling at you and spanking you" those big puppy dog eyes looked at me and she whispered "It's okay!" Sheeshhhh....honestly, what is Heavenly Father trying to teach me with this child? I'm so confused. She can get my blood boiling hotter than any other person in this world, and she can melt my heart easier than anyone in this world. It's such a catch 22 being a mom some days.
Well, to sum up this weekend, I feel like as a mom there are so many things are kids teach us, these moments bring us back to reality. It doesn't mean that when we have these reality checks, the next day is going to be any easier. There are many nights I go to bed and I think "tomorrow is a new day....we will start fresh" and the next morning I wake up to a 45 minute tantrum and think, "So much for starting out fresh." It's not easy, it's challenging, but my mom gave me some good advice this weekend. She said that there are so many times as a mom raising young children-teenagers, there are so many times you think, "I can't wait until you grow up and leave for college." That day comes, and it's the saddest and loneliest day. Appreciate these hard times, they aren't going to last forever. Yes, it's easier said than done. But, I feel like I needed to have this little "non private" chat with myself tonight on my blog. It's reality, I love being a mom, I need to do better, I need to be more patient, like my daughter said, "I'm just a child!!!"
13 comments:
You are a GREAT mom! I haven't even seen you with your kids and I can see that, just by how much you love them! That much is obvious. We all breaking points though and i think that these things have happened to all of us. She is brilliant by her comebacks though, I might have laughed :)
This is a great post. I have been having a very hard week with my kids too!
Wow. That was great. Your Isa is such a sweetie. You are such an amazing mom. I think we all feel like that every now and then. I really wish you would just bring them over and tell me you need to have a little alone shopping time when you're feeling like that. We can just switch for an hour or two each week.
p.s. Savanna is also a total klutz! Hopefully it is the age!
I laughed out loud at the, "okay....l,m,n,o,p!"
Melissa, you are so not alone in your mothering concerns. Each child is so different and we deal with new issues every single day. I think we discover so much about ourselves as we parent these little ones. I am reading a book right now called, "I didn't plan to be a witch!" It is an older parenting/mothering book (I think written in the 80's!) but one thing I have noticed is that the same concerns I have as mother in the 21st century are the same concerns that my own mother had raising me, and the same concerns her mother had raising her and the same concerns that millions of mother's across the world have. They dealt with sour dispositions, sassy attitudes, and stubborness just like we are dealing with now. I gain strength in the promise that if I do all I can to be a good mother and keep my children close to the things that matter most, they will grow up to be good mother's and wives someday too. Hang in there. Your girls love you and you are the perfect mother for them.
I cried and laughed at the same time. You are not alone. Faye is the same way so independent that it sometimes just drives me crazy. But then she huggs me and tells me that I'm her best friend. Alan is so loving, wants to talk with me all day logn, and then he starts talking back, not in a bad way, I think he's justr trying to make a point. But I can't stand it. Any way, don't feel bad, we all have those "I'm the worst mother in the world" moments.
I really appreciated this! I feel normal, thanks. Make sure you take time to give yourself credit for the wonderful mommy moments you have too.
My oh my I can so relate with everything you said! It is so nice to know that other moms struggle just like I do. Just know that you are not alone! Kaitlyn falls ALL THE TIME too!! Her knees are so beat up! It must be a stage ;) Hang in there ;) You are a fabulous mom!
I felt like I was reading my own stories! They say two is hard? Three is harder so far for us. I hear you. I so hear you!
Dear Cute Daughter of Mine,
You are the "BEST MOM" and I am "SO PROUD" of you!
I, too, had the same feelings. Yes, there were times you and I butted heads, but a mother's love is unconditional, and everytime we had "a moment" I would remind myself I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU but I DO NOT HAVE TO LOVE YOUR BEHAVIOR. Separate the two when you have your "own moments" and it will help you get through trying times.
Just remember - it really does not matter how old your children are - the love of a mother lasts Forever - no matter how many miles are placed between us.
Love you!
Mom
Loved the stories, especially the l,m,n,o,p. My daughter pulls the "OKAY!" all the time, but not the clever come backs. I think I have very high expectations for my four-year-old so when she acts like a child, I get frustrated. It's good to remember they are still little and we had better cuddle them and love up on them while they will still let us. Thanks for the reminder!
I love the ADD story. Totally made me laugh out loud. Don't we all do things as moms we wished we didn't. I apparently once asked Wyatt what was wrong with him because he now always asks me, Mom somethings wrong with me. Brakes my heart all the time. Being a mom is hard but I wouldn't give him back for anything.
I totally feel like I could have wrote this exact same post! These kids of ours- good thing we love them so much!!! I guess we just need to hang in there!
As everyone else has always said, you are not alone! I think that as we read other people's blogs, most of them don't say how hard it is being a mother - so we think we are the only ones. Thanks for speaking the truth!
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