It was a combination of things. I haven't slept through an entire night in the last 3 1/2 months. So, I started out the day really crabby. Eva woke up at 5:30 to eat, made really loud noises until 6:30 and then was back up at 7:30, so my day started at the crack of dawn. Isabella started her tantrums early. And, not to mention that she has been real clingy since Eva was born. Not just clingy here and there, I literally trip over her all day as I am trying to get things done. She is under my feet ALL the time. If I leave her at the top of the stairs without walking down holding her hand-it's a HUGE meltdown.
Isabella threw her lunch on the floor, and of course it was meat covered in tomato sauce...that always comes out of carpet easy!! One tantrum after another, I felt myself tensing up. I even admit I yelled a couple of times and I even spanked her. There is NOTHING and I mean NOTHING that can make you feel more like a terrible mom than spanking your child!! To end the night, Isabella was throwing one of her tantrums at the top of the stairs, I was trying to hold her hand and balance Eva in the other hand. Eva started clawing at my neck with her sharp nails and pinching my arm. And what I really wanted to do was lock myself outside on the porch and listen to quiet NOTHINGS, not being touched, not hear my name being called out over and over in a whiny voice. I just wanted peace and quiet!
Chris got home late last night, so it was my turn to put both the girls down to bed. I was in charge of story time and out of all the books Isabella ended up picking "Love You Forever."
I have never read this book to Isabella, and there is a good reason for it. I can't get through it without crying. Well, it just so happened that I felt like Isabella picked the perfect night for me to read this. I was in the worst mood, my heart was a cold stone, and I just wanted to go to bed. I got through the first page and....it hit me!! Thank goodness Isabella was laying down so she couldn't see my face. I read the entire story whispering, because I was fighting back the tears. As soon as the story ended, Isabella grabbed my head and placed it on her chest, wrapped her arms around my neck, and started stroking my hair. I started sobbing uncontrollably. She has the biggest heart in the entire world. I felt at that moment that she was sooo much bigger and smarter than me, who was teaching who? It's amazing sometimes what these little ones teach us. I made myself a promise last night that today I would try a little harder, listen a little bit better, and love a litte more.
18 comments:
I love that book. I cry every time too. Bring them over if you need a break!!!!!
Oh sweetheart!!! I miss you. Sometimes it takes those little ones to remind us how great it is to be a mommy!! LUNCH!!!
I so KNOW that kind of day, I teared up reading your post b/c I have so been there. I too really hate to spank Kaity, but I regret there have been days that I just have reached the end of my rope. I too feel like a terrible mom on those days. It is those days I go and check on her in her room at night while she is sleeping and tear up b/c I can't believe how much I love her. EVERY mom has bad days. It is HARD to keep it together and be patient 100% of the time, especially when you are alone all day, with a 2 year old and a baby!! You are a wonderful mother, don't doubt it for a second!!
I'm sorry your day was so rough, but this is a lovely post.
She reminds me a bit of how Adyson is. She loves with her whole heart, and even though she is dramatic, she can sense what you are feeling.
Here's hoping for a better day tomorrow!
I also got teared up reading this because we had a bad day in our house yesterday as well. You are so lucky to have such a tender hearted daughter- although the tantrums may do you in! :) How sweet of her to know that you needed that! We need a GNO soon!
Melissa! That was such a sweet post...I am not a mom, so I can't give myself any credit in that area, but you are an amazing mom to your kids! I was crying when I read this post, because I could totally see Isa doing what she did. She is so sweet. Sometimes we learn the most important lessons in life from the young innocent little kids. Love you!
I can't get through that book either! I don't think anyone can. I remember Mr. Anderson in 8th grade english reading that book to us and crying. Your post made me cry too. Hang in there, we've definitely all had those days! Thanks for being so open about it!
Darn kids! You can't help but love them I guess.
I always cry when I read that book too. I think we all have days like that and then we get the gentle reminders to enjoy what life is all about.
this post brought me to tears! Don't be too hard on yourself. We all have those days!
I love this post because I relate to 100% of it. I too can't get threw that book without crying. I don't have another baby and Wyatt is constantly under foot. He repeats momma over and over again and sometimes it's cute and other times it's not. In all at night when he's asleep I go and check on him and my heart swells with love and I make a promise to do better too. Thanks for making me feel normal.
Oh I so know those days! Who ever knew being a mom could be so tough! What a sweet post, I love how cute Isabella was with you. I know after a tough day, somehow these little ones can make you feel all better!
What a sweet post! I too love that book, and even did a post on it a while back! It is amazing the stuff our kids teach us on a regular basis! I remember when my kids were the ages your are, and on top of it all I had a very NAUGHTY colicy baby who never stopped crying! But it does get better, and it truly does go by so fast! Now my babies are 8 and 10! Your kids are adorable!
Thank you for the reminder. Adjusting to 2 kids is definately challenging. They are so good to keep US in check.
I'm joining the many comments that have admitted to tearing up. I remember those days with two little girls. It is so hard. How can they be so naughty and so sweet put together? I'm glad you still did story time after that bad day, it was the rainbow after the storm, and you needed that experience to go to bed happy. Thank you for sharing this with us!
i can't read that book either without crying. sorry the day was rough, hang in there
I so understand those days!!! rest assure you are a great mom. And while we love our kids to pieces sometimes it's emotionally exhausting and it gets the best of us. This is why being a full time mom is one of the hardest jobs out their.. It's emotional everyday all day. Some very good.. some.. well not so much.
Yay for children who loves us unconditionally!
I can't say I've read this book I'll have to check it out.
I wish I could tell you that as they get older you won't have as many days like that .. but they are inevitable. I go to bed many of night feeling like the worst mommy ever.. But lucky for me My kids seem to love me even at my worst which always seems to help my try harder to be my best, to be better and more patient.
Hang in there.And I hope you get a break soon.
Oh, how I can relate...
They really are the greatest blessings, our children. Even when you have days like this!
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